Marriage Is Still Marriage and the Holy Spirit Is Still Working

Kim and Philip on their wedding day

Kim and Philip on their wedding day

Trying to respond to the idiotic, disastrous SCOTUS ruling which legalized gay “marriage” is very difficult.  The ruling is the most significant, dangerous, destructive decision — culturally, morally, spiritually, legally — since Roe v. Wade.  I haven’t been able to write anything, because I didn’t know where to begin. So, I appreciate this announcement by the Marriage Reality Movement because at least it gives me a place to start today:

“The Supreme Court ruled today that citizens have no right to define marriage exclusively as between a man and a woman. This effectively redefines marriage across the United States as an adult institution separated from the rights of children.  Regardless of the court’s decision, it is clear that marriage has already been redefined in the minds of a majority of Americans for some time, and that, according to Catholics for the Common Good Institute, is where we must now focus our energies to effectively take back marriage. . . The time to defend marriage is over. It’s time to take back marriage.  We need to know how to resist under this occupation by refusing to cooperate and using language that reveals truth instead of reinforcing lies. We start by reintroducing marriage from the beginning to our family and to all levels of education and society.  This movement will not rest until marriage once again becomes a privileged institution that unites children with their mothers and fathers.”

1.  Separating marriage from the rights of children.  This doesn’t seem shocking to many young modern thinkers, but the fact is, in the entire history of marriage as an institution, marriage has always, always, always been connected to the rights of children and the duties of parents to care for them. No more.  We can see the demise of children’s rights with the advent of no-fault divorce, then contraception, then abortion, and now gay pseudo-marriage.  Now marriage is about the personal feelings, inclinations, and URGES of adults.  The strength of any civilization has always risen and fallen by the strength of the family.  God help us.

Admittedly some pinhead might respond to me thus: Kim, you’re making a logical error.  Just because something has always been done doesn’t make it right or good.  We are evolving as human beings and a country and now our definition of marriage and family embraces the love of a beaten down, marginalized group who just want equal access to all the good things that marriage can bring. 

Show me how this more “evolved” vision of family has benefited children, families, or society.  As writer Anthony Escolen asks, are families healthier? Is divorce down? Do children live in stable homes where the vows of love between their parents last a life time?  Are families so supported and nourished that we are producing a generation of well-adjusted, creative, productive citizens? No.  Marriage and the family have disintegrated.  Children are suffering because their parents are consumed by their own importance and needs. The gay marriage decision is one more nail in the coffin.  It’s the biggest, ugliest nail since Roe v. Wade.  And children are the greatest victims in all this.

Gay marriage advocates point out that gay families already exist, that children already live in gay households, so we can stabilize their lives by legitimizing the relationship between the two women or two men who are raising them. Won’t this harm them even more?  If I start telling my kids that our dog is their dad, they will be confused.  But if the state legalizes my delusion, won’t they be even more confused? Kids aren’t dumb.  On some level, they are thinking “hmm . . . this is all kind of wrong . . .”  I am not sure how pretending that something is normal and healthy when it’s unnatural and chaotic will help these children.

2. What’s next?

The Marriage Reality Movement says the time for defining marriage is over, that now we have to take it back.  But how?  I’ve delayed making a comment on the SCOTUS decision because I should have something productive and positive to say as we move forward, but I haven’t read any realistic suggestions for taking marriage back.  I want that, but I’m just not sure how that can happen.

When we were still debating this issue at the state level, I had hope.  But now the Supreme Court has opened up a can of worms and I don’t think there’s any way to get the buggers back in.  I fear it will only get worse.  Because now anybody can claim that their private relationships are protected under the constitution and can be defined as marriage as long as their feelings are big enough.  Polygamy will absolutely, 100 percent, without a doubt be legalized.  Pinhead might say, nah, that is crazy, won’t happen.  Why not?  What is the argument against it?  Any argument against polygamy was made against gay marriage.  First cousins should be able to marry.  Heck, you should be able to marry your stand mixer if you love it enough.  Good job, Supreme Court.  Good job.

What’s really hard for me to understand:  I read that a majority of Catholics support the SCOTUS ruling.  If this is true, then it’s evidence of the success of the machine that has been driving the gay rights movement and the failure of our Church to capture the hearts and minds of young people.  What will happen in our parishes now, as we face one another and our disagreement on this issue?  Because we can’t just sweep it under the rug anymore.

So what’s next?  Can we really take marriage back?  I do not know. I’m perplexed and need to digest what others are thinking.  I need to remember two things as I’m mulling it over:  1) the SCOTUS cannot change the reality of what marriage is and 2) the Holy Spirit is still working among us and through us.

For me, right now, as the dust settles and I get my head on straight, I will just gather my family and love them well.  I think maybe that is the greatest act of defiance: raising healthy, loving, generous, virtuous children and cherishing my husband, Philip, and embracing his difference from me as a woman.  We celebrate our 18th wedding anniversary on July 19. One man. One woman. Real marriage.

What do you think our next step should be?  I would love to hear what you think.


  1. Great points, Kim! I have seen a few positive responses from traditional marriage supporters on social media, at least. Several people have posted their (traditional) wedding photos, and I just saw a wonderful video of Jason and Crystalina Evert discussing their marriage and family life–a wonderful affirmation of the beauty of real marriage and family! Maybe real marriage will step it up a bit now. Maybe we’ll continue to see a rise in faithfully married couples speaking out about the beauty of following God’s design. In the meantime, as you say, I am definitely inspired to love my family better, worship my Father in heaven more faithfully, and make our domestic church a rock that cannot be broken.

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